Capitol Hillbillies — A gay webcomic, updated Tues and Fri

Oh god, where to start?

How about the cover of her new single:

CHRIST WOMAN PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. Ok, that’s not really so bad. If you look at any of Shakira’s past covers, she pretty naked pretty often. And why wouldn’t she be? Hell, if I looked like Shakira you’d really have to pay me to put clothes on. But what in HELL is she wearing? Its like “slutty airplane stewardess” or “sexy soccer mom” with that hair.

Now the song: first, this is most “fake” song I’ve ever heard from her. Which is surprising, because if anyone can pull off being a “she-wolf” its Shakira. She’s just naturally been the most “primal” of the divas, naturally passionate and carnal and all that good stuff. SO WHY DID SHE BRITNEY HERSELF UP TO DO THIS?!

Then there’s the lyrics themselves. Some of my favorites include:
“This is no joke, this is lycanthropy” (I’m not questioning the vocabulary of the average Shakira listener, but really, how many people know what lycanthropy means?)
“I’m starting to feel just a little abused, like a coffee machine in an office ::moan::” (WORST SIMILE EVER. Moving on)
“Got the fire department on the hotline in case I get in trouble later” (??? What does that even mean? Does having sex with Shakira cause fires? Remember Shakira, only YOU can prevent forest fires)

I love Shakira. Really, I do. She’s one of my top 3 chicks I would totally bone, given the opportunity. I even loved “Beautiful Liar” and I listen to “La Tortura” constantly, even though I barely understand what she’s saying. So I feel like the parent who just found out their straight-A student just gang-banged the football team…no wait, that’d be hot…I feel like their straight A student just banged the old chemistry teacher. Girl, have some standards.

(I’m not even going to talk about the video….but I certainly wish I had a sparkling rectum to dance in).