I’m not entirely sure my message here comes across clear, since it might have been muddled by humor and space constraints.
I’m NOT against marriage — get hitched, by all means, but make sure it’s for the right reasons. I AM against getting married because you feel you NEED to, or some such similar attitude. Personally, I believe this generation of gays benefited from being able to be more out than the previous, but having to fight for marriage. Without the typical standards for a relationship hanging above us, I really believe we’re all growing better as individuals, and therefore know what makes us truly happy more often — in or out of a relationship/marriage. We’re allowed to form our own expectations, standards, and rules to a commitment, instead of using the same idea that’s been around for centuries. The population as individuals has changed dramatically in the past few centuries, why can’t our relationship to each other change as well? Gays have that opportunity much easier than heteros do. Heteros can and should follow similar expectations, but it certainly doesn’t go over as smoothly.
(Thanks Ben, for the call on “where” and “wear” last comic. Fixed it!)
Its not like the gay community doesn’t have its own expectations and standards. the 30 rule for instance. if you haven’t done your clubbing by 30 your done.
Please! You know I don’t talk to straight men!
Thank you very much for this. I totally and completely agree with you. My husband and I did the ritual (handfasting for friends and family, we’re quite pagan), but everyone there knew perfectly well that exclusivity was not part of our vows. The whole making a life together because we love each other and want stability is what the marriage vows were all about. The life we forge will be the one WE want. Thankfully we have families who can respect that. The real thing the fundies are scared of is people like us getting our hands on kids, and not traumatizing them or molesting them, not leaving them unbalances because we can’t provide both genders as role models (yeah like they won’t be staying with their awesome lesbian aunts every chance we get). It’s that we’ll get out hands on kids and raise them to THINK FOR THEMSELVES!
I enjoy the logo that border-lines trademarks but is a Banana <3
Your comics sure have put me in quite the state of confusion. I felt like I was starting to go crazy, I didn’t understand.
I’m a Gay Male and I don’t fit in with the gay community. Recently I stumbled upon your comics and to be honest, it disgusted me a little…(at the same time I started watching a couple LOGO programs too that represented Gay Lifestyle). It started to confuse me… is this how I should be? Is this how my life should be just because I’m gay? I don’t fit in with the Gay Scene. I don’t like gay culture, clubbing, partying, or sleeping around.
I’m a helpless romantic and I do believe there is only one out there for all of us, a soulmate. I can’t bring myself to just have sex for the sexual pleasure as it would just be pleasure… obviously it would be “good” but not “special or amazing”. I feel as though there needs to intimate loving connection between one another.
That doesn’t mean I want to go get hitched out of nothing though. They need to be a friend and a lover, someone I want to go on grand adventures with (Travel the world and just live life!) making memories. Someone who would support my Career and be there for me…I don’t feel pressure at all to get married or even have a partner right now, as they will come someday. Right now I want to focus on myself…
Sorry… I think I may have strayed away from my original topic…. I started to feel like my life was too different, like I’m supposed to be living the gay lifestyles seen in movies and comics and the web. It made me feel really uncomfortable and confused, because I didn’t like the lifestyle that was portrayed as “The Gay Lifestyle”.
But… I was just stupid. Finally I came across the answer to my problems. Everyone is different…
Be yourself and march to your own drum beat. So I’m not an average gay guy, maybe that’s just another thing that makes me, me.
Sorry if this all seems like gibberish, I’m defiantly not the best at putting my thoughts together into words. Also yeah, this whole comment doesn’t -exactly- have to do with this comic…
But… the message does fit with what I had to figure out… think Independently… Think for myself.
Thanks…
May your days be long and your hardships few.
Chai Tea Latte,
I’m glad your comment had a happy ending! I was starting to worry…but that’s exactly the kind of message I’d like EVERY gay man to see: think independently, and you’ll be surprised how many people you’ll find that think like you. I know a TON of gays that are in a similar mindset as yourself. I used to be the “hopeless romantic” myself. Then I figured out, relationship after relationship, that didn’t work. My comics are meant to be pretty honest portrayals of me and my friends and when I started out I thought I’d have more reactions like your initial one (disgust) but, as it turns out, there’s a few other guys out there that think like me/us.
Thanks for your comment, stud!
Remember the Sunwell.
Chai Tea Latte, I can empathize. There is a kind of “mainstream gay culture” — perhaps better described as the more visible gay culture — and it has little to do with the way I live. (Have you seen the movie “Lie Down with Dogs”? There’s a relevant scene at the end where the main character discovers that there’s a whole other gay culture in Provincetown that he never saw because he was in clubs all night every night.)
Chris and I portray pretty different gay lifestyles in our comics — mine reflects my own life, and I think Chris’ represents his. I always enjoy reading Capital Hillbillies (keep it up, man!). Difference make life interesting. And I don’t so much believe in gay lifestyles as just in lifestyles. Live the way you want!
But I do think we have an advantage over society at large because there are fewer specific pressures. My husband and I didn’t feel pressure to get married; it’s something we decided to do because we wanted to (and, ironically, did so before most of our straight friends). And now there isn’t pressure to have kids (or not to) and again we can make our own decision. (Of course, if we did want kids, it would certainly be easier if there were a uterus handy… so I wouldn’t say we have ALL the advantages.)
I have got the man, the marriage, the kids, and the house (without the white picket fence). Don’t give up! We all don’t live in big cities, or go clubbing (maybe the odd one…mostly pubs), and we are not all caught up in some gay scene. We live a normal life as a normal family on Elizabeth St (ironic, I know). Plus….*shocker*….I have more straight friends than gay friends (might be cause of the small town).
I have had the gay scene and big city life and I am happy being me where I am right now. That way I don’t have to feel like I need to be something that I am not. It was great in my early days but now I have other priorities. You will find someone…just keep your heart open and it will happen.
Ok, I will stop my rambling. lol. Great love and hugs from Canada.
LOVE IT, and yes that’s all capitals.