Now there are all sorts of closet-gay types. There’s the rare type that actually acts stereotypically straight — big man on campus, jock at high school, and REALLY enjoys swimming, but you know, who doesn’t? Then there’s the in-between, where they’re a little ambiguous. They enjoy fragging your ass in video games, they know the actual names of sports team — but they also cook a mean quiche and dress better than their girlfriends. They keep you guessing and probably mean to.
Then there’s those who say and do things that are gayer than the anal sex I had this morning. With a man. In a gay bar. With Gaga in the background.
And maybe you can let that type of stuff roll off your back but I CANNOT. And I always seem to have a co-worker that fits this description and it’s just a little distracting. During breaks, I devise ways to get them to admit that yes, they prefer cock to vag. I don’t try to out them, or break up with their “awesome” girlfriends. I just make sure that they know that me and my anus are here for them if they need to do a little soul searching. S’all I’m saying.
Or when one of your female coworkers is married to an obviously gay man. Met an ex-coworker’s husband at our office holiday party and thought he was her gay best friend. Turns out he was her husband. And a pilot. And flew San Fran & New York routes very often. And got a crash pad in the village in NYC. And won a show tunes singing competition on their honeymoon cruise.
With Stu, Richard Simmons and Elton John all in the same city, we are dangerously close to creating a hole in the gay time-space continum. Drop Libarace in there, and you create a massive Homonova, wherein all the gayness in the known universe is sucked into the space of a single atom, wherein all you can hear is “Dancing Queen” playing over and over again for the rest of eternity.
P.S. I totally do want a shirt that says “There’s no “I’ in Ghetto Booty Dance”
There are also the “straight” French, with inexplicably good taste in food, fashion, and men.
Heh, ‘homonova’.
Unrelated: Is it weird that I have a fear that Lady Gaga is somehow going to replace ABBA as the default ubergay musical act in a way that Madonna, et al. never really did?
actually, Clark, Gaga will fake her death on stage–thereby cementing her legacy as an artist and then live forever on the profits on a private island in the carribean. You heard it here first. Of course we gays will forget her when the next rediculous poodle and pony show comes into town.
GaGa loves God and the Gays…. just sayin’
Lol, I have two coworkers like that. One of which my coworkers and I started a bet on when he’d finally come out. We’d all be like “Andy, honey, we’ve all known for a looooong time. But congrats!” Then hop over to the bakery to buy him a rainbow cake that says “we love you Andy” then drag him off to Woody’s.