NSFWednesdays: Why do all these “straight men” shave their balls?
By John on June 23rd, 2010Posted In: Rant
So, I had a conversation last night with a good friend of mine about fantasies in porn, and I thought it would make a good topic for a post. Let’s talk about porn, shall we? (We usually do.)
My question is an old one, but I’m bringing some new evidence to the table: what do you look for in porn?
On the one hand, I’d like to ask what the fuck is up with the deluge of faux frat house hazing porn that’s swept the market in the last few months. As near as I can tell, Haze Him and Out in Public (both catering to the same market, roughly) are produced by the same production company. There’s also the new Dick Dorm, which is largely the same as Haze Him except one of the actors doesn’t pretend to be straight. Likewise with Frat Pad. And as long as we’re at it, Broke Straight Boys has been working this formula longer than anyone ( I guess Bait Bus might have done it first, but who ever watched Bait Bus, anyway?).
The premise of these cookie-cutter fantasies is pretty simple: one or more “straight men” are coerced in some way into having sex with a man. For BSB it’s money, for Haze Him et al it’s staged peer pressure and alcohol. The men pretend they aren’t interested (and perhaps sometimes they aren’t) and then after a few seconds of protesting hunker down to a solid twenty minutes of so-so sex with whatever men happen to be in the shot.
These men (a) always have shaved balls and asses and manicured bushes, (b) very rarely have erection problems, and (c) never need to douche or (it seems) prepare in any way for anal sex. Also, they all agree to sign the wavers needed to publish the porn they’ve been tricked into participating in. Did I miss anything? Now, the question is, does it matter that it’s obviously fake?
On the other hand I offer porn that caters to another set of fantasies. Case in point: Travis Mathews’s new short I Want Your Love. It’s produced by The Naked Sword and features two late-twenty-something gay friends who, out of convenience and curiosity, have sex with one another (I know I’ve been there).
The sex, the situation, the acting, and the casting all seem geared toward reflecting the actual lives of a certain gay men–but is it hot?
So, the question I have for us to discuss is this: what kind of fantasies do you want to see in your porn? Does the illusion that what you’re seeing is spontaneous or covert get you off? Or do you like to see actors who present something closer to emotional connection? Or do you look to porn for something different altogether? What’s your flavor?
I totally agree with the obviously faux “straight” men bit. That actually turns me off.
I guess I look for some real man lust. There is a total beast in me that wants to see them really WANT each other in all the right (And wrong) ways.
My flavor is vanilla with bits of oreos.
The whole ‘cookie cutter’ fantasy thing in general is a turn off for me. Doesn’t matter if it’s Broke Straight Boys, et al., Haze Him, et al. or Sean Cody, et al. There’s never the slightest hint of interest between the parties involved and the sex itself is downright boring. The ’straight guy’ thing is a turn off for me too. Obviously most of the guys involved in these productions are gay. Even saying they’re straight though is almost an immediate boner killer. In real life, some gays talk about how they’d like to seduce a straight guy. Why?! Either you’re hitting on someone who’s just closeted and probably pressuring them into something they aren’t comfortable with (yet) or you’re going to end up in a very bad situation once that boy sobers up. Sorry, that turned into a tangent. Moving on. I LOVED “I Want Your Love”. Even if the guys were just paid porn actors, it came across as real. They looked like they were genuinely interested in one another (at least sexually). If the dialogueing and interactions before/during the action was totally falst then those boys need to be in more acting gigs. Very convincing.
That said, normally I’m not looking for a long story before my porn starts (but lordy, once that action started in “I Want Your Love”, it was totally worth it and was definately hot). Usually I look for porn with guys who are more manly or punk than anything else. Skater otters drive me wild. Also, Matt Hughes.
My flavor is lemon: tart but refreshing.
I think cookie cutter *anything* is generally a turn off for me if I recognize it as such. Sometimes a particular clip might be of interest, but not the whole series/site/company. In the end, good porn has something ethereal or intangible that just makes it good, and nothing can be done to try to reproduce that quality en mass.
A lot of these sites with straight guys are more sad then anything. It’s too slow and the guy on bottom is either A, a “straight guy” who can’t take it like a man, or B, a bottom thats been done so many times he doesn’t even notice whats inside him. I like to see a bottom who is erect while having sex as well as verbally responsive to the fact he has a huge dick in his ass. If the guy pounding you is going at the speed of light then at least make some noise instead of sitting there pretending its nothing (and if this is xtube they most likely are using poppers during this process.) As for out in public I actually like what they offer because some of it is actually hot, I get more turned on by the fact they dont waste time getting naked, they just drop their pants and go at it. Honestly in public or not I want to have that kind of hardcore pounding that says “Taking off these clothes takes too much time, so just bend over.” As for bait bus, I am gay, and I am tired of bi-sexual porn making it way onto the websites I love so much. I don’t want to see boobs and vaginas (or a boobs and a dick combo.) I request that the websites leave bi-sexual porn in it’s own section. Don’t even get me started on the confusion I have as to why girls with strap-ons doing men is considered gay. Keep vag out of our sites!!
Eh. The thing with me is that I want porn to make sense on some vague level, and a straight guy who just so happens to have been drugged and coerced into sucking some dick (typically taking to it like they’ve been doing it their entire lives, which is likely the case) is not a realistic situation, IMO. He’d either be sober enough to not do it, or do it without really enjoying it at all and without actually knowing what the hell he’s doing.
I also have a habit of keeping my computer on mute when watching porn, for the simple fact that the script is so goofy. I remember one military-based one I was watching, and on mute it was okay, but I tried watching it with sound and couldn’t get any further than the general moaning, “Yeah, smack that booty,” without busting out in giggle fits. Same thing happened with one of those hazing videos where the gay guys team up to seduce their straight buddy. He was just like, “No. Stop. What are you doing. No, I’m straight. Stop,” in the most deadpan voice. Hell, even the sudden change to moaning was deadpan. I’ve never quite gotten the appeal of watersports either… just because it’s a fluid that comes out of your cock doesn’t mean it’s sexy to squirt it into your own mouth. That only applies to semen and precum, IMO.
As for what I *would* like to see in my porn? Guys fucking in suits, for one. I’m very much into homeovestism, and it’s fairly easy to build a “plot” around guys in suits. (Secret lovers in the office who can’t control their lust and go at it in the janitor’s closet? Junior executive asks his boss for a raise and is made to earn it? And employee finds out his boss is doing something bad and blackmails him into bottoming for him, only to learn that was the boss’s plan the whole time?) Granted, it doesn’t have to be a solid plot, because it’s porn, and it’d just be stupid to try making it anything but.
Another thing I’d like in porn? The characters being in a relationship where it’d seem realistic to fuck. I’m not saying it has to be romantic, though. One of the hottest porn clips I’ve ever seen was a guy getting a huge load down his throat from a friend, and afterward the actors and stage crew were joking around as the guys toweled off. It seemed like they actually liked each other enough that casual sex was just something they’d do, and that made it so much hotter.
One last thing… when are we gonna have some guys who are less than 8 inches long in some porn? Seriously, the situations the characters get into are stupid and unrealistic enough. Just like the pizza boy delivering that deep dish with extra sausage isn’t really that likely to accept a blowjob as alternate payment, he’s equally unlikely to have a perfect body and be packing ten inches, and it’s equally unlikely to be the best blowjob he’s ever had. Maybe don’t make it awkward real-life sex – after all, this is a fantasy – but have some mistakes made. Let the guy getting head for the first time shoot within seconds. Let the dude sucking cock gag on a particularly thick one a little and require a few seconds to gather his composure enough to deep-throat it. Let the guys tease each other and goof around rather than deliver dry lines about how much A has wanted to suck a big fat cock and how much B wants a thick dick up his tight, hungry ass.
TL;DR – “Straight” gay porn, cheesy lines = not hot. Suits, friends who joke around during and after sex = hot.
I honestly really don’t enjoy the false setup. I like porn where the actors aren’t acting. I have a very discomfort/oh god it’s hot relationship with Trasure Island. I like the fact that Morris really just takes screaming sluts, and puts them together and tells them to go at it, and the vidoes are more of a documentary of sluttiness than a directed porn scene. Then there are all the safety reasons that I have never actually given them money, but the vids I’ve seen are super hot, for reasons totally separate from the barebacking. This is also the reason I like it when I find a well put together amateur vid on X-tube. Nothing is better than the couples in open relationships that record the guys they fuck and put it on x-tube. I love that.
The setup, fake situations? No. The ’straight’ thing? …Kinda. I find stereotypical masculinity a little enticing. That doesn’t always mean muscle-bears, but in general the attitude and the posture is what does it for me. I’ve never been interested sexually in femmes, for example, and I still don’t understand why almost ALL of my co-gay friends either have lisps or only date guys WITH lisps.
I know it might sound weird, but I like a good plot even if the acting is terrible. I want to know who that guy is and why putting his legs behind his head in a mattress factory is going to help his friend find a new job. This is why I like a lot of the pop culture parody porn like BeTwinked and when Randy Blue did That 70’s Show. You “know” the story and it’s just hot to see how much cock Fes can take in a single episode.