Clark, an avid carnivore, has decided to cut pig out of his diet. Perhaps for health reasons, or perhaps Charlotte’s Web finally got to him, I’m not certain. And obviously, when he commits, he commits.

I want to see “The Secret of Kells” SO BAD. And my interest has only gone up since I found out it’s only playing in ONE theater in the U.S. So if any New York or European readers see it, tell me how it was!

Would anyone be interested in writing articles for Capitol Hillbillies? Shoot me an email.

Really, I can’t tell you how many unfortunate situations a little bottoming has gotten me out of. Almost as many as it’s gotten me into. Nothing says “I truly apologize” like your ankles behind your head.

Nothing.

A friend sent this game my way, and, like she said, it is Flash game perfection. It’s also the gayest game I’ve played since Sodomy Sodomy Revolution. If the word “this” doesn’t grab you, perhaps the name will: “Robot Unicorn Attack”

Michael was ready to burn the poor woman’s face off with a soy latte when his date texted him to let him know he was looking for parking. Shit could’ve gotten ugly.

5 minutes late is pretty standard, 10 minutes is a little rude, and at 15 minutes, I would leave. That is, if there was no word from the date — no text, message, call, etc explaining that they’re looking for parking, missed the bus, or just wrapping up a previous hook up. Being early? HA!

When a lezzie friend told me that her and her date watched a movie, my reaction was, of course, that of most gay men I know. Surely, it’s universally known that “watching a movie” means “let’s put in this movie that neither of us are really interested/one of us has already seen as an excuse to cuddle on the couch/bed until hands start to wander.” I thought our female lovin’ friends worked the same way, but I was mistaken. When I ask another gay man if he’s seen a film, and his answer is “Yeah, I saw part of it” I don’t exactly think that’s because he fell asleep in the theater…

One of these days, I’ll actually see the ending to “Mists of Avalon.”

The order in the first panel is a REAL ORDER that I heard from the twinkiest thing I’ve ever seen. His face look like a china-doll. Anyway, at that point I wondered if he was that picky about EVERYTHING in life. I imagine giving head to him was quite a process.

It’s been freakishly nice weather for Seattle in February. I gonna go enjoy that now. Kthxbai.

Yeah, I saw the movie. It was cute and fun and hip — probably better on mute. Some of the lines in the movie had me laughing out loud, and not because they were meant to be funny. I know it’s a kids movie, but come on! Not all kids movies have to sounds like a Disney channel TV series! Anyway, I’m sure absolutely no one is surprised that I took a perfectly innocent plot and took it to the very darkest gutters of my mind. You’re welcome?

It’s been almost 160 comics since I’ve done Valentines before, but the first ones are still one of my favorite strips ever. Here’s another round for ya. Pass them out to all your co-workers, classmates, loved ones, and tricks.

As you’ve probably guessed by my bitter bitter attitude towards romance, I don’t celebrate Valentines Day — with the exception of the day AFTER, when all that delicious chocolate is on sale for half off. It’s really just a dumb, dumb holiday — shouldn’t it be up to the couple to decide on a day that’s particularly special to them? Or have no reason at all for celebrating their friendship? I suppose I have more hope for the gay community and this holiday: after all, we’ve redefined relationships and marriage, why not greeting-card holidays too?

Sorry about the late upload — late night at the Lobby, and about 300 technical issues got in the way.

I don’t have anything interesting to say today, so I’ll just send out a friendly reminder that Emerald City Comic-con is in about a month and I plan to join my friends at Prism Comics! I’ll just be hanging out, helping them, doing sketches, and selling shirts. Who knows, maybe they’ll be a new shirt design there? You’ll have to come to see what it is!

Our fellow Hillbilly John is back from across the pond and back on the hill. Suddenly every coffee shop, every book store, and every dark sketchy alley holds a dear, dear memory of forgotten lust, excitement, and case of the herp.

Last year, perhaps some of you out there witnessed the spectacle that is RuPaul’s Drag Race. For those of you unfamiliar, we’re not talking about cars going around in circles, but rather the most ridiculous, extraordinary, and talented drag performers all ass-kissing and bitch-slapping their way to the top of this imaginary mountain that RuPaul has created. It is, in a word, spectacular.

The second season began this previous Monday and, while I missed it, I was promised that it is, in fact, better than last years. This both excites and scares me. If you’d like (and you would), you can join me in watching it online here. If you’re in Seattle, you can watch it an hour earlier at its officially sponsored location “The Lobby” around Broadway and Pike. Anytime they say “Lip Sync for your life!” shots of Absolut are $1 for 15 minutes. That sounds like an absolutely terrible idea, and one I fully support.